SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to Mildly Thriving. I'm Kimberly and I'm Merry.

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We're two average millennials who aren't failing but aren't always thriving either. And we're out to prove that Mildly Thriving is thriving enough.

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Please make sure you're subscribed and following us on the social medias.

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And if you're feeling really nice, you could give us a five-star review wherever you listen to podcasts.

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Now let's dive into this week's episode. Hey, Kimberly. Hi, Meredith. How are you doing?

SPEAKER_00 0:29

Oh, I'm great. Oh yeah. Wow. I thought we'd change. What? What? I thought I thought. I thought we'd change it up today with our hellos, but that was far worse than I could have imagined.

SPEAKER_01 0:44

Yeah, we're kind of embarrassing. Did you shit your pants this weekend?

SPEAKER_00 0:48

No.

SPEAKER_01 0:48

Okay, good.

SPEAKER_00 0:49

No. I'm sorry to disappoint you. Um that would have been a way better story, but no. I no, I was too drunk to shit my pants or to think about shitting my pants. I uh I did that bar crawl and so much fun. We had so much fun. I took a tequila shot for breakfast. I know. Remember on the last episode when we talked about drinking and how good we were?

SPEAKER_01 1:19

How we were were drinking a lot less and you were just shammered all weekend? Yep. I did not do well at that task. Um you know what? It wasn't a task. We were just making an observation.

SPEAKER_00 1:32

Valid. So yeah, that was fun. Uh and then the next day, I committed to cleaning out my car, but that was one of those activities where it is like I committed real hard and you can't quit halfway through because all your shit's out of your car and it's covered in soap. And I was just like, oh no, I'm so tired and I want don't want to keep going. But I finished. Um, that's what she said. And uh my car is amazing looking now, and that was my weekend.

SPEAKER_01 2:02

Well, I'm actually kind of impressed because if I were you, I would have spent all day Sunday uh in bed, hungover, and then I would have been like, oh, Monday, I can't do anything either. Um, I probably can't do anything until next week.

SPEAKER_00 2:18

I think it yes. Normally, yes. I think it was the early start. A. B, I did actually stay hydrated, drank some electrolytes, and C, Sunday was maybe the first time in I can't remember how long that I slept in till 9 a.m. Nice nine. So I think it was just getting a proper amount of sleep for once in my life. Wow. I know. What did oh yeah, how was the rest of your weekend?

SPEAKER_01 2:46

It was good. Um went, I was supposed to go to a wine tasting uh with a friend, and I showed up and she was like, let's blow off this wine tasting and go sit out on a patio and eat nachos. And I was like, Great, I'm down for whatever. I want to be outside. So we did. And then after that, we went back to her house and just hung out in her backyard and just like soaked up the sun and sat in the shade and then got back in the sun and then you know.

SPEAKER_00 3:17

Love this. Well, would you like to know what we're talking about today? No. Well, that's that's cool. Um I I could go to sleep right now, so peace out. Okay, good night. Good night. Okay, tell me what we're talking about. We're gonna talk about fear.

SPEAKER_01 3:35

Okay. Like fear of heights, borophobia.

SPEAKER_00 3:38

That's a really good uh starting point because what got me thinking of this was our conversation about bungee jumping and how our friend and I want to go to Moab and do that like base jumping thing. Oh, and I think I exited out of that conversation because I wanted no part of that. Right. And that's I thought it was funny-ish. And I was like, why do we like doing scary things? Then I remembered an exhibit that I well, I'm gonna tell you today. Uh I remembered an exhibit that I saw at the Mopop Museum in Seattle about hor horror films, and there was a little bit about why we like scary movies. And I was like, you know what, that'd be a good topic. Let's talk about why we like to be scared and what happens when we're scared. And um, yeah, those things. You ready?

SPEAKER_01 4:33

I'm I'm ready. I want to know what's wrong with everyone other than me. Uh, yes, you are the exception.

SPEAKER_00 4:40

Okay. Why do you think we like being scared? I feel like this is somewhat of a known thing.

SPEAKER_01 4:47

I think it makes us feel alive. It does. It does. And it makes us feel really grateful that we get to crawl into our bed and and be safe.

SPEAKER_00 4:55

We enjoy being scared when it's safe, when we know we're actually gonna be okay at the end. Like riding a roller coaster. You know, there is there is an inherent risk, but you know what? Getting in your car provides the same amount of risk.

SPEAKER_01 5:09

Oh, I think getting in your car is probably more risk, but it also has a utilitarian value. Point? It's utilitarian. It gets me from point A to point B. Roller coaster is just trying to make me throw up.

SPEAKER_00 5:22

Yes, and sometimes do a good job. Um, but it act, you know, just being scared activates that fight or flight response, which most of us anxious people are just living in that mindset anyway. We don't need a scary movie to do that. See, yes, I'm just doing that listening to the Microsoft Teams uh alert or like the ring. God, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:51

The slack, the slack ping, or I mean, now it's like when your phone rings, for God's sake, it's like anxiety producing. I woke up at like 4 30 this morning and I was just so full of anxiety, and I was like, I have no, like why? Why? And I never went back to sleep.

SPEAKER_00 6:09

Oh, that's the worst. Uh, anyways, when we do this in an environment where we know we're safe, it leads to euphoria instead of distress. Isn't that wonderful? It is wonderful. So I can jump out of an airplane and almost vomit, but then feel amazing afterwards. Honestly, I'm acting like I'm a some brave person. Um, that was the scariest fucking shit I've ever done in my life. And I would pee my pants. It's a miracle I didn't. I'm pretty sure I had a panic attack, but I don't really remember. I think I blacked out. You blocked it out. I uh well, I think I blacked the experience out. Like I remember jumping out. I'm glad that you really paid for that. I remember jumping. Well, there's a video of me doing it somewhere. I just like hid it because I refused to show anybody this awful video of me having a face was like mid-air. Yeah. I exactly. I remember jumping out of the airplane. I remember not being able to breathe, and then I remember the parachute opening. And that's it. And then you just like floated down. That part was amazing. The floating. That was so cool. And I was like, oh my god, I actually might not die. Yeah, floating would be cool. Falling, no. I'm uh uh, no thanks. Uh, anyways. So what happens to your body during fear, which sorry folks, I'm just gonna redo the basics that I'm sure a lot of people know about what happens to your body during fight or flight. Heightened alertness and sharper senses, meaning your pupils dilate, so you have better vision, uh, increased heart rate and blood flow to the muscles. Uh you can like run faster? Yes. Okay. Non-essential functions slow down, so digestion. Um then why do some people pee when they get like scared? I'll find a more sophisticated answer than what I'm going to come with. Come up with. It's part of fight or flight, the loss of muscle control. The bladder is held cl- I'm a child. The bladder is held closed by a by stincter muscles. Oh, that goes back to my point of Kegels. It's all the same. It's all the same fucking muscle. Yeah. Under extreme fear, the nervous system can momentarily override or disrupt disrupt control of those muscles, causing them to relax. Competing priorities, so during intense stress, the body prioritizes survival, which is heart rate, breathing, blood flow to the muscles. And less critical functions like bladder control can get deprioritized. Now I have to find my notes again. Thanks. Sorry. Sorry, I sorry, I was engaged and asked questions. I'm just kidding. I appreciate you. Why scary experiences feel good? Adrenaline plus dopamine equals thrill plus reward for surviving. So it creates an asset like a sense of accomplishment for facing your fear. So you're like, oh, I did this cool thing. I can't believe I did that. I'm so badass. Like jumping out of an airplane. I can admit that I was absolutely terrified, but not everybody gets to say they jumped out of an airplane.

SPEAKER_01 9:11

But now you feel strong and brave.

SPEAKER_00 9:12

Got it. I still do roller coasters. I'm st I would do it again now that I know what to expect. Uh and I would do the the base jumping thing in Moab. I want to do that like big swing that they they have. I know.

SPEAKER_01 9:28

You're looking at me like I'm I actually don't remember this conversation. Um like I I remember vaguely that there was talk of Moab, and then I think I exited after the base jumping, and then I so I don't know what swing you're talking about. Okay, that's fine. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 9:45

Sorry. You just don't listen to me and you don't care about me. Yeah, that's what I was trying to say. Anyways, um also back to my point, everyday life is super fucking stressful. Um, so sometimes being scared in a safe environment is just a nice escape from actual reality and reminds you that things can be scary or worse. Uh something I specifically wanted to look up was why we like scary movies, because I feel like this has come up in my past. I like scary movies and sometimes like the gorier ones. Like I've seen some weird movies, and I mean, some of them are eh, some of them are good to watch, and some of them are just funny. Which sounds bad, but they are. Um, but it is kind of weird to think like we enjoy watching people get murdered, or we enjoy watching true crime documentaries. Um, the brain likes to have an answer for everything, so we like watching the unknown so it's no longer the unknown. And at least if we're faced with it, then you know, we know what to expect. And also, like horror movies in general provide a safe environment to watch or experience taboo subjects. I don't know, anybody who's ever watched American horror story, some of that stuff is like crazy off the charts. But like scary movies that involve, you know, intense murder scenes or rape scenes. That's like very taboo and and like trauma-inducing that people don't like to talk about, especially if it's like something you've experienced, which is a very understandable reason why not everyone enjoys watching those things. But I it's just a safe environment to watch something that is real. Like these things do actually happen, they're terrifying, and you don't ever want it to happen to you. But at least if you are seeing it happen, then it's no longer this crazy mystery. Like you have a baseline.

SPEAKER_01 11:45

Yeah. Um, I have a I have like a theory that I kind of wanted I want to share, I want to share. Okay. So we consume a lot of content. Like the movies that we watch are violent, like the shows. Um we can see things that happened like across the world from us. Like we just consume so much stuff. And a lot of it's like the news is kind of like traumatic because they don't tell us about puppies and kittens, they tell us about the the bad things that have happened, right? Right. And I'm like, is that why all of us are so anxious? Is because we have access to all of this information and it's a little bit traumatizing because we're like experiencing it. Like, sure, you could tell me about uh, you know, the Twin Towers and like these bad things that have happened, but no, I watched that whole thing unfold on TV and it yes, it's the same.

SPEAKER_00 12:52

I think you're right, is the point. It's the same with uh true crime. Um I was talking to some of my friends back in my girls' trip, and they were talking about like how they used to be into into true crime until they had kids. And they're like, I don't wanna see, hear, know about any of that shit. I have I already worry so much about my child, I don't need to be reminded every single day what horrible things can happen in this world because I already fucking know and I'm already thinking about it. It's like, oh, that's actually a really good way to think about it.

SPEAKER_01 13:25

Like the millennial generation is like helicopter parents, and it's like, well, yeah, that's they've experienced all of this like secondhand, you know, trauma by watching all of these things and seeing so I don't know. I don't know if that's a you know legitimate thing, but does make me kind of wonder.

SPEAKER_00 13:49

It makes sense, like probably contributes to the hypochondria. You see things like you see things all the time and wonder, like, well, how I could die by anything today.

SPEAKER_01 13:59

What oh, I remember the first time I binge watched a show, it was Gray's Anatomy. And I remember just 100% absolutely having uh medical um anxiety after watching a lot of that show. And it's like, oh, okay.

SPEAKER_00 14:19

So yeah, when you're thinking about all of it, it's like, wait, but I do have that symptom, or like it's all shit that you never pay attention to, and then you're like, well, now that I'm searching for it, yeah, all of this stuff is happening that has such a lot of people. Or WebMD, remember when that everything was always cancer.

SPEAKER_01 14:36

Yeah. Headache, cancer, yeah, dehydrated, cancer.

SPEAKER_00 14:41

Yeah, diarrhea, cancer. Cancer. I think that brings up a good debate topic too. So I was having a conversation with a coworker, and I have like death anxiety, I guess you would call it. Like, I think I think about death a lot. That's probably maybe weird to some, probably not weird to others. I've had this conversation with multiple people, but like the idea of dying is scary. And when I brought this up to my coworker, he agreed with me, but then we realize I was explaining, like, I'm I have this weird deep fear of like the unknown of death, of the like non-existence of your conscience, because I like nobody knows what happens when you die. And to me, logically speaking, it's nothing, and you didn't know of anything before you were born. Just go back to nothingness. We've had this conversation before. And to me, if I think about it too hard, that idea of my consciousness just no longer existing is scary to me. And he was like, Oh, that is not at all why I'm scared. He's like, To me, that idea is comforting. He's like, I think most people are scared of the unknown of how they will die because none of us know. Like, is it gonna be painful? Is it gonna be sudden? Am I gonna get to say goodbye? Like, and I was like, Oh.

SPEAKER_01 16:10

I'm I mean, I'm looking at, yeah. I'm in that camp of like not existing anymore doesn't really bother me. Like, I don't want other people to be sad. Right. But I being dead, it's like, okay, fine. Like that that doesn't bother me. But it's the process of getting there. Yeah. Of like, I do not want to, you know, starve to death in the woods or, you know, like these crazy ways that people just, you know, it takes them forever to die and they just sound horrible and painful. Yeah, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not in, I'm not interested in that. Yeah. That's fair.

SPEAKER_00 16:50

I guess I'm also scared of that too, but like, I don't know. I wish I didn't think about it as much as I do. But now that you bring it up, maybe that's why I think about it as much as I do, man. Like growing up, it was like cool for us to watch scary movies. It was like, ooh, rated R movies, and we're not allowed to watch these. This is yeah, you know, uh, we're doing something bad. But then it was like, oh yeah, now I see why they were trying to protect us from this stuff, because it's like our poor little brains are like, what's happening? Oh, that can happen. And now I'm like, everything's danger. Danger. Every time I step outside, danger. Every time I go on a date, danger. Yeah. Heterosexual women. Danger.

SPEAKER_01 17:35

Proof that sexuality is not a choice.

SPEAKER_00 17:44

So I guess if you if you do adrenaline-inducing like activities or make yourself scared on purpose, it can help boost your confidence in doing like everyday things. It's like, well, shit. If I can go off this jump on a mountain bike, then I can certainly handle talking in this teams meeting. Which, as I say out loud, seems completely logical, but I've done some stupid shit on a mountain bike. And I am absolutely horrified of speaking in a teams meeting. So could somebody explain that psyche to me? Because why is my fight or flight stronger talking in front of people than it is jumping off a mountain?

SPEAKER_01 18:24

Yeah, to me, that that doesn't make sense. Like, because those are two very different activities. Yeah. And one is less, probably less consequential. Like if you hurt yourself on your mountain bike or break your fucking neck. You could die. Okay. So you could die, right? But you won't be shunned by people. You're trying to impress, you're trying to look professional and maybe be something, someone that you're not, because not all of us are meant to present. Like I certainly don't want to get on a stage, but other people love it.

SPEAKER_00 19:00

Yeah. I think there's also an evolutionary point to that of being shunned from the group, you'll die. We have it ingrained in us to be a part of the group and not embarrass yourself into becoming an outcast. And there's right.

SPEAKER_01 19:18

There's like the fear of physical pain, and then there's like the fear of being humiliated in front of other people.

SPEAKER_00 19:26

And to me, the fear of being humiliated in front of other people is far higher. Well, I don't know why. What did I do? What I should probably talk to my therapist about that.

SPEAKER_01 19:40

I bet he'd have an answer. I mean, yeah, I think comparing things that you're afraid of as if everything is on the equal playing field is probably not fair.

SPEAKER_00 19:52

Yeah. Well, and so to my next point, like not everybody enjoys fear the same way. Like, not everyone likes adrenaline type sports, not everyone likes being scared at all. And there are different reasons for that. It's uncomfortable. People have trauma, like I mentioned earlier. So, you know, maybe they don't want to watch a scary movie about a traumatizing topic because it's something that they've gone through and it might bring up PTSD. Um, and not everybody wants to be uncomfortable in that way. And there are other ways to like there are plenty of other ways to get dopamine. Yeah. Drugs. I took the drugs and the drugs are working. The drugs are working. I oh, that reminds me. Oh, since we're talking about being scared of things, I I want to know if anybody else experienced this. Have I talked to you about this? Probably.

SPEAKER_01 20:42

I don't know what you're talking about.

SPEAKER_00 20:43

Well, I'm about to tell you. I had like a phobia of vomiting when I was a kid, and I thought that there was just something wrong with me because other people just seemed to like be so nonchalant about having to vomit. And if I got sick as a child, I would avoid throwing up as long as I possibly could. Even though I knew it would make me feel better, I was so terrified of throwing up. And when I did have to throw up as a kid, like a little kid, I just wouldn't make it to the bathroom. And my mom was fucking furious about it. And I totally understand why looking back. Um, I know I was I was that kid. You know. But then by the time I got to like 12, she was like, bitch, figure it out. Like, you know it's coming. Go to the bathroom. And I did finally figure it out. But I my coping mechanism was I was so scared of seeing the vomit that I would just throw up with my eyes closed and flush the toilet before I could see anything. I realized this sounds insane, but I would I had this horrible phobia of seeing and experiencing vomit. And to the point that I remember scenes in movies where throwing like vomiting would occur because I would like to avoid. That movie, or I would fast forward through that part because I just couldn't handle it. Like the movie Apollo 13, where he like throws up in space and it's like floating around. I thought that was so disgusting. I mean, that is pretty gross, yeah. Which I can watch now totally fine. Um, I still don't like throwing up, but I can handle it. Um, but I re-watched the movie The Sandlot the other day. It's such a cute movie, but I remember hating it as a kid because there's the scene where they eat the chewing tobacco. Oh, gross. And they go on the carnival ride, and all of them throw up all over the place. And I remember thinking that was the grossest thing I'd ever seen. And then I just re-watched the movie, and it's like it's so fake and so cheesy, and it looks like somebody just dumped like canned chili all over everyone's shirt. And I was just like, man, that was the scene I was scared of all those years ago. So, anyways, speaking of irrational fears, that's mine. So if anybody else out there has experienced that, please uh feel free to let me know. That's all I had today, though. I just wanted to talk about being scared of things and vomiting, but um Kimberly didn't even remember our bungee jumping conversation, so fuck me, right?

SPEAKER_01 23:16

Well, I ate an edible and then I smoked a joint to myself.

SPEAKER_00 23:20

So I was Oh, I was like, right now, you are holding it together so well. No, girls' night, you were hilarious. Favorite, favorite moment of the night. Um We're gonna talk about that later. Oh, you bitch! Okay, fine. Fine. I'll save my I'll save my story for then.

SPEAKER_01 23:43

Well, is that do you have is that is that it?

SPEAKER_00 23:46

Yep. So y'all, if I can do it, you can do it. Um so don't be scared or do whatever makes you feel good, you know? This we're on a spinning rock in space. Just get whatever enjoyment you can out of life.

SPEAKER_01 24:00

Yeah, you're just literally stardust. So just go out there and sparkle. Live your life, queen.

unknown 24:05

Live it.

SPEAKER_01 24:06

I will.

SPEAKER_00 24:09

Okay. What's the vine? The the country boy? The uh if I want a country boy, uh. Okay. Anyways, that's it. Um being scared of vomiting is a good reminder that Mildly Thriving is thriving enough. Thriving enough.

SPEAKER_01 24:35

Okay, okay, peace out, beans pro. Bye guys. We'll see you on the next episode.

SPEAKER_00 24:41

You can like and comment and oh yeah, we have Instagram, Mildly Thriving Pod. Please like us on all of the platforms and show some support whenever you do that.

SPEAKER_02 24:54

Bye.

SPEAKER_00 24:56

Okay. Bye.

SPEAKER_02 24:58

Bye.